Mornings spent rushing to meet the bus or make car pool, afternoons kicking yourself because the sandwich meant for lunch is sitting on the kitchen island, and evenings staring at pages of textbooks waiting for the companion book answers to just appear.

Back to school can be hard for parents and guardians of youth and young adults trying to get back into routine after three months of laissez faire curfews and late night movie based bedtimes.

As difficult as it is for the adults to get back into the swing of things, add new classes, different people, bigger expectations, and a cafeteria filled with seats to choose from (or not) and you have the average day of a student gone back to school. Growing up comes with discomfort that back to school season has a talent for highlighting, but how can you check in on your student to know the difference between growing pains and struggling with mental health?

What is Mental Wellbeing?

Mental wellbeing is “a positive state of emotional, psychological, and social health that allows you to feel content, cope with stress, and realize your abilities.” The emotional resilience and regulation of a child is important at any time of life but becomes more prevalent during periods of transition. Life is a series of transitions for youth and young adults — school cycles, physical changes, evolving relationships, etc. Emotional stability isn’t always denoted by absence of stress but rather how it is managed, this is where support systems come in.

What are Signs You Should Lookout for in Your Student?

Stress can manifest itself in an array of ways in adults, this is similar to children with the difference being they may lack the noncognitive skills necessary to healthily manage it. The changes can be subtle, especially when paired with the chaos introduced into life with the back to school season. Some signs you should look out for…

Body

• Changes in appetite
• Shifts in energy (fatigue, taking long naps every day)
• Difficulty sleeping
• Headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or other aches or pains
• Feeling jittery, or needing to move constantly
• Not taking care of themselves (personal hygiene, wearing dirty clothes

Mind

• Irritability, feeling down, or other changes in mood
• Feeling anxious, or worrying about typical daily activities
• Trouble breathing, or new nervous habits/behaviors
• Avoiding responsibilities
• Trouble thinking clearly, or having communication issues
• Feeling defeated or hopeless

School & Friends

• Change in academic performance or attitudes toward school
• Signs that your child is being bullied or is bullying others
• Wanting to stay home from school more often
• Isolating themselves, feeling lonely, or less interest in friends
• Less interest in activities or friends they used to enjoy

How do I Support My Student’s Mental Wellbeing?

Supporting your student’s mental wellbeing can feel like a big task when in reality the action of checking in paired with affirmation can go a long way. Ask questions, offer encouragement, find common ground. Often feeling heard and seen begins the process of deconstructing the emotions feeding the stress of the season.

Prompts

• What feelings are being brought up now that schools started up? What is feeling challenging? What seemed scary but turned out to be manageable?
• Let’s do a temperature check, what have the highs and lows been so far?
• I’m here if you ever want to talk. I can give advice or just offer a shoulder, you let me know what you need and I’ve got you. And if you don’t know what you need I’m here to help however you show up.
• I’ve noticed [behavior you notice], it’s okay to be feeling whatever you’re feeling, I’m a safe space for when you want support.”

Avoid inserting feelings or expectations onto your student prior to them sharing their perspectives.

Instead of:

“Are you excited for the new school year?”

Say:

“How are you feeling about the new school year?”

Instead of:

“You’re going to have the best year ever!”

Say:

“Is there anything you’re looking forward to this school year?” or “How are you feeling about starting [insert school year]?”

How do I Manage My Mental Wellbeing as a Caregiver When I Need to Show Up for My Student?

You are your student’s dominant support system, you can only offer support if you’re taking care of yourself as well. Your modeling of emotional regulation is the most personal relationship your student has with practicing mental wellbeing during adolescence. When you experience the emotions of the season, verbalize them and then put them into perspective. To your students you’re superhuman, not because you’re invincible but because you’re resilient. Let them in on the imperfect feelings and your process of regulation. Build in practicing the shift in perspective and seeking healthy validation/support from peers when stress presents itself.

Avoid looking for them to provide answers or guidance, this practice should exclusively be about modeling your existing healthy emotional regulation process

For more mental health resources for back to school season check out Mental Health Coalition, Child Focus, NAMI, and Mental Health America.